


Are you kneading me?

by Dark_Violet



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bottom Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, F/F, Fluff, M/M, Magic, No Beta, Smut, Some angst, Spells & Enchantments, Top Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, fuck buddies to friends to lovers, silly plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-22 12:28:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30038718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Violet/pseuds/Dark_Violet
Summary: The misadventures of four immortals in a foreign land, and of Nicolò di Genova in particular, who is struck by a very pesky spell, much to  the glee of the even peskier Yusuf Al-Kaysani.This takes place a few years after Yusuf and Nicolò's first encounter, at a time of transition, when they still can't stand each other, yet they surely can f*ck.Has this a smart, intricate plot? NoHas something like this be done before? ProbablyIs this just an excuse for some light-hearted fun? Yes
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 28
Kudos: 104





	1. 1

Kneeling on the grass on the edge of the woods, hidden behind the ruin of an old house, Nicolò buried his face in his folded arms, biting his lip almost bloody, hoping against hope it wasn't too obvious how much he liked being mercilessly fucked by his arch nemesis, the most obnoxious, Yusuf Al-Kaysani. Of all people.

Not that there were many other options if one wanted to get a decent fuck every now and then, and not because Nicolò had no suitors. His long abandoned ecclesiastical career had nothing to do with it, either, in fact he wasn't (on principle) against any form of experimentation. The real problem was that there was no one else he wanted as much as he wanted Yusuf, even though the rest of the time, namely whenever the bearded bastard wasn't buried ball deep in his butt, Nicolò could barely stand his face. The feeling was mutual, anyway, so Nicolò found at least some peace in knowing that he and Yusuf shared not only the bed (metaphorically or not) but also a fair amount of hypocrisy.

However, being coherent wasn't easy while riding yet another powerful orgasm, so when Nicolò opened his eyes again, with his face still pressed into the wet grass, he'd forgotten already the philosophical side of the matter. The first thing he saw was his own fingers intertwined in those of the other man, and he couldn't remember when such a ridiculous thing had happened. Surely he had moved at some point, but to nervously grab a tuft of grass, not Yusuf's hand. Even worse was the insane desire to kiss the amber skin of that strong, wonderfully possessive hand holding his own.

At least Nicolò had the decency to stop himself from committing such an asinine act. Mushy stuff was not for them, he and Yusuf fought and fucked, and tolerated each other because they needed to, and that was it. Yusuf would most likely laugh at him anyway, or be disgusted. As if on cue, indeed, the man slowly pulled out his now soft cock and sat down on the grass next to Nicolò, to catch his breath.

Nicolò was relieved, distance was good, distance was a lifesaver sometimes, and for once Yusuf was on the same page. What Nicolò had not been able to see, in fact, was how dangerously close the other man had come to kiss his shoulder, then the nape of his neck, then who knows what else, but he too had stopped right on time. 

As soon as they were able to stand, the two men dressed quickly, silent as they usually were after sex, and barely looking at each other, then they found an excuse to go separate ways. This saved them a lot of trouble and a few hours later, when they came back to the house they shared with Quynh and Andromache, they were once again blissfully at each other's throats.

The morning after, since Nicolò had noticed they would soon be short of firewood, and Yusuf had rejoiced at the prospect of being saved from his cooking, Andromache had gone out in the green clearing outside their house to chop some wood. She appreciated Nicolò's cooking, but not the constant bickering between him and Yusuf, which actually had soured her mood quite a lot. She lowered her axe again and again, indeed, with too much vehemence. It was a lovely morning, at least, and so was their small house in the hills of a remote region along the course of the Ganges River. It had been really a stroke of luck to find such a nice place to rest after their last job: with its three rooms it was just big enough for them, and secluded enough from the nearest town to provide all the privacy four immortals may need. Yet the peace of that sunny morning was disturbed, not for the first time, by loud voices and something heavy falling and shattering on the floor. At that Andromache planted the axe in the wooden block with a ferocious growl and charged towards the entrance door.

As if appearing from nowhere, Quynh intercepted her, grabbed her arm and spun her on her heels right before she could kick the door open. "We're going to town," Quynh yelled at the two mules inside the house.

Andromache let herself be carried away, but she couldn't hold back her frustration. "I'll kill them," she growled.

"Such a waste of time, my love," Quynh shrugged.

“Then I'll decapitate them, and bury their bodies and heads ten kilometers apart."

Quynh barely held back a smile, "that would be an interesting experiment."

Andromache looked at her skeptically, but let Quynh take her hand and lead the way. "How do you stand them?" She asked after a while.

"I don't, that's why we're going to town."

Andromache finally laughed, kissed her wife and decided that at least for the time being she'd no longer think of the two morons who did nothing but fight or throw languid looks at each other when they thought nobody was watching, sometimes in the same ten minutes. At least they had stopped actually killing each other, or drastically reduced their attempts, not out of mutual respect, of course, but for the obvious uselessness of the act. Of course, accidents still happened every now and then...

The trip to the town proved to be a good distraction, and when the two women were back Andromache's mood was much better. Their house was still standing, which was good news too. In one corner, however, there were the shards of a jug and a broken stool that spoke volumes. Anyway the silence was a blessing, despite being sort of eery: Yusuf was sitting at the oak table drawing a large map, while Nicolò sat by the fireplace, reading. At dinner, they talked to each other the bare minimum.

Just two (very turbulent) days later, however, the men were at it again. _Someone_ apparently had stolen some precious charcoal from Yusuf's supplies, and the man, who was not stupid, at least according to himself (Andromache didn't always agree with that statement, Quynh tried not to express judgments, and Nicolò agreed, never), had immediately identified the culprit.

"You bastard!" He started leaving the room that was the 'male dormitory', to the never ending disappointment of the two men in question. Nicolò, who was stirring some soup in a large cast iron pot, and who gave off a gray aura that made him look more like a sorcerer than a cook, turned slowly toward the other man, with a sinister glint in his eyes "are you talking to me?"

"I knew you were a jerk, but a thief as well? This is too much!"

"Yusuf" Andromache warned, but Quynh put a hand on her arm, and gave her an eloquent look. Andromache didn't understand, but decided to comply with his wife's silent request: wait and see.

Meanwhile Nicolò, still with the dripping spoon in hand, took a few slow steps towards the center of the room until he stood in Yusuf's personal space with his arms folded and his chin raised. “A thief?” He asked, far too calm, “and what am I supposed to have stolen? One of your precious smeared scrolls? A useless piece of coal?"

"So you admit it, then!" Yusuf said with the utmost indignation. "Give me my charcoal back and let's get it over with."

“Charcoal? Why would I steal something like that, I'm not the group's _great artist_." The way in which Nicolò had pronounced the last two words was an obvious insult in Yusuf's eyes, and pissed him off even more. At least that affront was quite easy to reciprocate. "Just two days ago you were whining because there was not enough firewood for your stupid _delicacies_ ," he stated, already feeling victorious. Nicolò hadn't whined, technically, but he surely had mentioned there was not much fire wood left, so Andromache had not too kindly offered to chop some, even though everyone knew that her first intent had been to get out of the house, and possibly hit something that didn't bleed. 

At those words, however, Nicolò shook his head disconsolately, as if facing a case of desperate idiocy. "I'm busy, leave me alone if you want to eat," he said, then since despite his wisdom and his considerable fortitude he knew how to be a little shit when the circumstances called for it, he raised the spoon and mimicked hitting Yusuf in the head with it. The spoon didn't collide with Yusuf's head because Nicolò had not mean to actually hit the man, but he still reached his intent: a myriad of droplets of soup landed on Yusuf's face, beard and clothes. "Hops," Nicolò said, then unwisely turned his back to his opponent to go back to his cooking.

Now, everybody knew that Nicolò di Genova was calm and rational, and when he resorted to childish spite it was because he was reaching the limits of his patience, which was great, but not infinite. After all, no man took lightly to be called a thief.

Yusuf, however, was not there to suffer an offense, as well as a theft, and despite knowing, deep down, that with such a small piece of charcoal Nicolò wouldn't have been able to cook an egg, he also knew that this didn't mean he hadn't taken it anyway. After all, the guy was good at making himself look innocent, but Yusuf knew what a treacherous bastard he could be. Besides, now he had hot soup all over himself.

Something had to be done.

Yusuf moved so fast to grab a poker from the fireplace, that Andromache and Quynh were sure he was about to stab Nicolò, but they didn't have time to intervene. Yusuf wouldn't go for such a trite form of retaliation anyway. He threw the poker aiming at the floor between Nicolò's feet so that the Genoan fell, stumbling ruinously and quite noisily.

"Hops." Yusuf smirked, still standing in the middle of the room with his arms folded. 

Despite her exasperation, which was great and real, Andromache couldn't help but chuckle, while Quynh facepalmed pretty hard and muttered "I hope this won't backfire." This immediatedly caught the other woman's attention. "What?" Andromache asked, but Quynh motioned for her to wait, then helped Nicolò up. "That's enough, you two," she said while Nicolò thanked her with a nod and a murderous light in his eyes that wasn't often seen. Quynh was almost taken aback and hastened to add "Yusuf, please, just go to the market and buy some more charcoal."

"But..." Yusuf tried, still convinced that his charcoal was in Nicolò's possession. Andromache who now was starting to see what Quynh was aiming at, said "you'll both go.”

Yusuf and Nicolò glared at each other, but they were basically two good guys and they knew they had been a thorn in their two friends' side for some time. They also knew how unwise it was to contradict Andromache under certain circumstances.

"Fine," they said in unison, like two scolded schoolboys.

Since Quynh agreed to take care of the soup in the absence of the designated cook, the two went out immediately. The instant they were gone Andromache turned to Quynh, ready to thank her properly for having just gifted them both a few unexpected hours of peace. Her grateful expression turned to surprise, though, when Quynh took some charcoal out of her pocket.

“I knew you were up to something!” Andromache said, amused.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

“Which desperate measures, exactly?”

"Where are we, love?" Quynh said, slowly approaching her woman.

"Somewhere in India" Andromache said, then a sharp smile appeared on her lips, "and those two annoying kids don't know the language."

“Not a single word.”

"They'll need to cooperate."

"Indeed."

It sounded like a good plan, yet part of Andromache enthusiasm dimmed when a thought occurred to her, "ok but if Yusuf really believes that Nicolò stole from him..."

Quynh shrugged, "nobody in their right mind could really believe that Nicolò di Genova is a thief."

"And you count Yusuf Al-Kaysani among the sane people?"

“Sometimes.”

Andromache snorted a laugh, kissed Quynh and finally decided to dedicated herself to her entirely.

Eventually, most of the day passed by and the sun was setting already when Yusuf threw the front door open with a radiant smile, despite his unkempt hair and muddy clothes. "Allah is real, Allah is great!" He announced, still on the threshold, spreading his arms wide to better emphasize the concept, despite the fact that he was holding a pair of boots in one hand, and a sack, or bundle, in the other.

"Uh?" The two women asked in unison, lifting their eyes from their card game.

Yusuf threw the boots in a corner, bolted the door and the window, then jovially marched to the table where Quynh and Andromache were. The instant he put the bundle on the wooden surface, a huge cat sprang out, then he comically spun on himself a couple of times looking around the room, bewildered and ready to attack. For good measure he also hissed at Yusuf, then with a few quick leaps he jumped to the floor, then on a cupboard, from there on a shelf and on another one, and finally there he sat, watching the others from above, among the stacked pots, high enough that nobody could reach him.

"What the hell?" Andromache said, while Quynh, with a veil of terror in her voice, asked "Yusuf, where is Nicolò?"

"Did I already tell you that Allah..."

The two women _looked_ at him, so Yusuf cut his praise short, pointed at the cat and said "that's Nicolò!" The smile on his lips was so big it almost seemed that his face would split in two, "look at him, I think it's a drastic improvement, don't you?"

It took a few seconds for the news to really break through before Quynh and Andromache started to bomb him with questions.

"What the...?"

"Are you drunk?"

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"How did it happen?"

"How do we get him back to normal?"

"Get him back to normal!"

"Are you on drugs?"

"Which drugs exactly?"

"Fuck my life!"

Yusuf came dangerously close to giggling, but he did his best to stay serious while he explained. "We were at the market, I got distracted for less than five minutes, and there was this old woman, a witch I suppose. That idiot probably offended her in some way, and now he is like that."

Andromache didn't really share Yusuf's good mood, “a witch?” She asked, “why didn't you make her turn him back to normal?!”

"He's much cuter that way, and much less annoying," Yusuf stated, "even though catching him was, well, not fun."

"Yusuf?" Quynh then said, quite menacingly; although she was not from there, she knew how powerful the magic of those lands was, and how touchy the witches could be. Nicolò probably hadn't had the slightest intention of offending the old woman, and yet he'd ended like that.

“Ok, ok, it's not like I didn't try, but the old lady was stubborn. Anyway she said he'll be back to normal in a week."

Meanwhile Nicolò was still observing the scene from the shelf with striking, inscrutable blue eyes. Andromache sighed, then climbed on a chair but she still couldn't take the cat unless he threw himself into her arms. Which Nicolò didn't seem willing to do at all.

“Nicolò, you'll be back to normal very soon, I promise. Please come down."

Nicolò replied with a small, soft meow, but didn't move. Andromache sighed again, "can you understand me?"

“Meow!” The cat answered with more strength. Andromache took it as a yes and felt a bit relieved already: everything would have been easier if they could communicate. For the moment, however, she let Nicolò where he was, since he evidently felt safer up there.

At dinner the topic of conversation was obviously one and only one, but Yusuf was unbearably jovial and tried to convince the women that Nicolò's new form was actually better then the previous one. "Come on, he's less of a waste of space like this, and way softer," he started.

Andromache growled a warning, but the man was undeterred. “Look how cute he is, all grey with white paws, looks like he's wearing boots.”

At that, at least, Quynh snickered. It wasn't that Nicolò wasn't the cutest, fluffiest cat she'd ever seen, after all, and his white paws were the most lovely boots.

"You can't deny it, the witch made him almost tolerable" Yusuf went on.

"Maybe we should ask her to transform you too, then" Andromache offered. It was as if she hadn't talked at all, though, and once again Yusuf couldn't hide his mirth. "He's round, look at him!"  
That too, was undeniable. Quynh and Andromache looked up at Nicolò who was still looking at them with disdainful indifference. Sitting motionless with his tail curled around his body he actually looked like a large furred egg with ears. Even Andromache had to make some effort not to smile too broadly. The feline version of Nicolò was really something else. His long, thick fur looked like a cloud of carded wool, and his tail was like the feather of an exotic bird, not to mention his nose that looked like a tiny dark grey heart. Had she been certain that the witch had not lied, Andromache would have been much more serene about the whole situation.

For that night, however, there was not much to be done. Andromache had gone very close to just go out and look for the witch, but Quynh and Yusuf had stopped her. The spell looked pretty harmless, all things considered, yet they had to admit that the witch had an incredible power, and diplomacy wasn't Andromache's forte. They'd probably end up with two cats instead of one, or with a cat and an owl, or a cat and a jellyfish. There was no way of knowing. 

Eventually Andromache had to agree on that point, so for that night she gave up. Nicolò hadn't moved yet, instead, so they left him water and food on the table, even though Yusuf had suggested the floor for practical reasons (and had got himself a double glare for the effort), and they went to bed. 

Usually, they kept the doors of the two bedrooms closed at night, to keep the warmth inside, and that time too Yusuf closed it. He was sure that soon he would hear Nicolò scratching on the wood, a very small humiliation would serve him right for the way he had made Yusuf fall in the mud _twice_ , in front of dozens of people at the market, while he tried to catch him so that he could take him home safely.

Nothing was heard for some time, however, and eventually, unknowingly, Yusuf fell asleep. 

The next morning he woke up with the first light of dawn. The room was chilly and the mattress next to his own was empty. The instant Yusuf was aware enough to remember what had happened, he looked around himself frantically and found no trace of Nicolò, in any form. He got up, not without a good deal of anxiety, and slowly opened the door. Andromache and Quynh weren't up yet, which probably had saved his head because by the long dead fireplace there was a grey fur ball which looked quite pathetic. Yusuf got closer and saw that Nicolò was visibly shivering. When the fire went out, in fact, that room became freezing cold. He closed his eyes and felt horribly guilty. Had Nicolò 'knocked' and he hadn't heard him? Had pride prevented the Genoan from meowing like a desperate stray? Yusuf had had his fair amount of fun, but that was it, he hadn't meant to take advantage of Nicolò's mishap to actually cause him harm. He knew he should have simply left the door ajar, instead he'd been stupid, childish and cruel, or so he felt. 

The euphoria of the previous night had gone away, and Nicolò was still an idiot, but he didn't deserve to freeze half to death. Yusuf sighed and quickly rekindled the fire, he still had to make some breakfast after all. The movement woke the cat, who barely deigned to look at him before going back to sleep.

When the women came out of their room, they found a strange calm, but they asked no questions. After breakfast, they all sat around the table, while Nicolò sat on it, watching and listening. After that horrible night he was dead tired and spent the whole day napping between the table and a pillow they had placed next to the fireplace just for him. Eventually Andromache and Yusuf went to town to offer the witch some money to turn Nicolò back, but it was a pointless and disappointing trip. The old lady was nowhere to be seen, according to some people at the market she'd gone on holiday somewhere, but just for a week.

That evening, when Yusuf went to sleep, Nicolò was still by the fireplace, the whole day he'd not even dignified him with a hiss. Not knowing what to do, and still too stubborn to say he was sorry, Yusuf left the door ajar, but for a long time Nicolò didn't show up, and Yusuf was sleepy.

"Stubborn fur ball," he said at last, then got up, grabbed a blanket, and went to Nicolò. Seeing the man marching toward him, the cat startled and with a few quick leaps, he returned to his favourite shelf. Yusuf shook his head, he didn't know if he should be more offended or worried: did Nicolò really though him capable of attacking him at night, while he was in that state? What he knew, however, was that sooner rather than later the fire would go out again, and another freezing night would come, so he arranged the blanket where Nicolò was previously sleeping, until he obtained a strange sculpture in the shape of a mountain with a hole in the centre, then finally he went to bed.

The next morning, that odd volcano made of wool had a cat comfortably curled up in the crater.

Six days had still to go by before the spell ended, and Yusuf almost believed they could pass peacefully. Soon enough, though, he had to admit how naïve he'd been.


	2. 2

After a full night of rest, and past the initial shock, Nicolò woke up feeling much more alive and willing to experiment. He wandered around the house smelling everything to test his remarkable nose, then jumped easily on the windowsill, and from there he went out for a long time to explore the surroundings, to sharpen his nails on the trunk of an old tree and to indulge his new predatory instinct chasing bees, when he thought no one saw him. Yusuf, who indeed hadn't lost sight of him while doing his chores inside and outside the house, concluded that Nicolò was in full health and in a good mood, so what still remained of his guilt disappeared, and his spirit returned to what it was before.

Not that he wasn't worried, in his own way. He and Nicolò often quarreled, but they'd stopped truly hating each other for many years. It happened, Yusuf had already concluded, when people took their frustration out fucking, rather than fighting. He also had to admit that their little family made a good team, and if at the end of the week Nicolò wasn't human again they would have one man less and one problem more. For the moment, however, he just couldn't help but see the funny side of the situation. Even Andromache and Quynh were much more relaxed. The first had finally accepted she couldn't force the witch to turn Nicolò back, since she wasn't even around, the second, after dinner, had discovered the perks of _entertaining_ the cat, who had settled comfortably on the table, rolling corks towards him.

The little spoilsport, however, sat aloof, just staring at Quynh with his bright blue eyes. Yusuf was silent for the most part, but the scene amused him quite a lot, so he took out his drawing supplies and started working on his map, sitting at the other side of the table, so that he could observe the other two and not let on how much the thing interested him.

Nicolò, however, wasn't so easily deceived; he sat up even straighter, with his long feathery tail curled around his body and looked sideways at Yusuf every time he could afford to lose sight of Quynh. She could be quite distracting though, in fact she found a long stem and waved it in front of his eyes. Nicolò stared at her again, yawned showing his tiny fangs and pink tongue, but when Quynh involuntarily brushed his nose with the stem he sneezed twice and the other two couldn't help but laugh.

"Quynh, stop tormenting him," Andromache admonished, not sternly enough, then sat with the others. She was so clarly amused that Nicolò meowed and looked at her as one looks at a traitor, only getting to make the other two laugh more.

As if to make amends, Andromache said "I'll save you from these two pains in the ass, I swear," then she dared to pet Nicolò.

He wasn't bothered at all, but Andromache, as if taken aback, retreated her hand and said "damn!" Yusuf just looked at her, while Quynh asked "what?"

“Nothing,” Andromache answered, “it's just that he is incredibly soft."

Yusuf scoffed skeptically, although it seemed that Nicolò was made at least 70% of fur, while Quynh narrowed her eyes and put on such a greedy expression it was almost disturbing. "Really?" She said, so Andromache politely asked Nicolò "will you let her try?" 

Nicolò wasn't particularly outgoing, but he cared for his friends a lot, and he always ended up saying yes to Andromache. He looked at Quynh and blinked slowly, so she allowed herself a light touch between the cat's ears, even though Nicolò leaned in her hand. It was just an instant, but nobody missed it.

“Oh God, he's truly made of silk, Yusuf, you should try,” Quynh said managing a straight face somehow. Andromache eyrolled fondly at her and mouthed “not you too, now.”

Yusuf, though, promptly declined her invitation, "no thanks, I bet he has collected more dust than a rag."

"He's not dusty, he's really a nice cat, isn't he?" Quynh said to Nicolò, closer to cooing than the others, including Andromache, had ever seen her. Nicolò meowed his assent, so Quynh dared a longer caress along his back, but Yusuf didn't miss the opportunity "I'm telling you, we should keep him like that."

Nicolò growled, but this only motivated Yusuf more, "he's spherical, but he'll definitely be more sneaky than he is as a human, he can come in handy for exploratory missions, or even become a decent spy."

Nicolò hissed at him, and Andromache and Quynh had to bite their lips to keep from laughing, then pretending nonchalance they got up. Years of experience gave them both the ability to know beforehand when chaos was going to erupt. Yusuf, on the other hand, didn't have the same foresight, or self preserving instinct, and went on "really impressive, NiCATlò, think how many _holy lands_ you'll be able to steal from innocent people, in this form."

The atmosphere became suddenly tense. Some wounds were still too recent, and neither Nicolò nor Yusuf wanted to bury the past, albeit for different reasons. However, they had long ago decided to try to move on, they were past this sort of digs, at least, or so everybody thought, including Yusuf, who couldn't say where his own words had come from. It was uncalled for and that topic surely couldn't be discussed with a cat. It was too late to retreat though, since Nicolò was already walking as menacingly as he could toward him. He sat right in front of Yusuf, then with his paw he gave a little push to a bottle of blue ink.

"Don't you even dare," Yusuf growled, glad at least for the diversion, but Nicolò, instead, dared, and pushed the bottle once more.

"I'm warning you," Yusuf said with his arms crossed and his chin held high, but as always every form of warning was completely lost on Nicolò. With his small round paw, apparently so delicate, he gave a sharper push and the ink bottle overturned, forming a large blue lake on the map Yusuf had worked on for days. He promptly jumped back so that the ink wouldn't stain his fur, then sat again, licked his paw placidly, and swiped it on his own face a couple of times. It was the clearest display of a middle finger the other three had ever seen without middle fingers actually involved.

Yusuf stood abruptly, before the ink could drip on his pants, looking at the disaster that had become of his drawing for a few long moments, like someone who couldn't believe his own eyes. Behind his back, Andromache and Quynh were equally shocked. That was too much.

Yusuf recovered quickly enough, though. "Damn you!" He yelled, then he launched himself at Nicolò with very unfriendly intentions. Nicolò slipped away from his hands quite easily, and jumped to the floor. 

"Stop it, you two!" Andromache tried before it was too late, but that time her words went unheard. Yusuf wasn't kidding, that map had costed him hours and hours of hard work and if his jab had been too mean, Nicolò's reaction had been excessive and unjustified. 

"You're done, asshole!" He growled, "I swear I'll stick a spit up your ass and roast you on the fire!"

Nicolò, whether he was aware of having gone too far or not, didn't doubt that right now Yusuf was deadly serious, and knowing full well that he couldn't fight in that state fled from the window and disappeared into darkness.

Ultimately, Yusuf decided, it wasn't even worth going after him, since that wouldn't fix the ink disaster anyway. It was Andromache, again, the one to speak, "I'm sorry for your map, Yusuf, seriously." And it was true. Yusuf had touched a sore point in his and Nicolò's personal history, but in the end they had been just words, while now the map was far beyond recovery and Yusuf had just lost whole days of work. 

The man just shook his head, and threw a last, sad look at his drawing. "Sometimes I really hate him," he stated.

Neither Quynh nor Andromache knew what to say.

The rest of the evening went by without major events, Quynh and Andromache waited in relative silence for Yusuf to get past his disappointment, and for Nicolò to return. However, if Yusuf's anger was usually a flash in the pan, even when it was justified as in that case, Nicolò didn't come back that evening, nor that night, nor the following morning.

At the dawn of the third day since Nicolò had been turned, the three immortals were officially worried: as a cat Nicolò was too vulnerable, and their worry soon turned into anxiety and the anxiety into fear. Yusuf had not slept at all, gruesome images of Nicolò slowly bleeding to death, lost somewhere in the night, haunted him non-stop. He might have come across a rabid dog, or a wolf or who knows what else. Of course he wouldn't die permanently, but it was still a very disturbing thought. Also, the sky was a nasty shade of gray, it was probably going to rain soon. After a quick breakfast Yusuf took his scimitar and declared he was going to find him.

"We're coming with you," Andromache replied promptly, and Quynh suggested they split up, so they went out together and soon after parted ways.

Quynh went towards the town, where a big cat colony lived. Maybe Nicolò wanted to learn by example how to survive as a stray. Andromache headed for the woods that climbed up the side of the mountains, where whoever wanted to be alone could be, well, alone. Yusuf instead chose to go to a small village that was about one hour from their house. Nicolò didn't particularly like crowds, so he hoped to have better luck there, besides right along the road to the village there was the path leading to the beautiful panoramic clearing, where the ruin of an old house was located. It was the place where they had had sex the last time. For some reason it seemed sensible to Yusuf to look for Nicolò right there. 

At the village he got only a few suspicious glances from people not accustomed to foreigners, and asking questions went poorly as well, since he didn't speak the language, but while he walked quite disconsolately towards the old house he finally saw a large gray cat on the remains of the surrounding wall, licking his own genitals with one of his rear paws raised high in the air.

Yusuf approached cautiously, not without a fair amount of awkwardness for having caught the other in such an intimate moment. “Nicolò?” He tried, “is it really you?" The cat raised a cold look on him, then returned to his previous task. So Nicolò was giving Yusuf the cold shoulder? Fair enough, the man thought, now sure that he'd found just the right cat. He still didn't want to take him away by force, though, so he had to find a way to convince him to go home.

"Let's go Nicolò, come on, Andromache and Quynh are worried, they're looking for you," he said trying to sound reasonable, but the cat ignored him.

"Surely you're hungry" Yusuf tried again, quite certain that Nicolò was above raw rat's meat. “I bet it's going to rain soon,” he added, but even then he got nothing at all from the cat.

With a sigh, Yusuf accepted that there was only one thing left to do, which was basically the right one. "I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have said what I said, and I shouldn't have reacted like I did." Yusuf's tone wasn't the most contrite, but his apologies were sincere. However, the cat looked at him intently, then went on to his grooming, turning almost like a contortionist. Not that Yusuf could expect a verbal acceptance of his apology from a cat, let alone that Nicolò said he was sorry too, but total indifference? It wasn't fair.

“Well, what do you want me to say? You have to admit you overreacted too, can't we just consider it a draw and go home?" Yusuf asked disconsolately, and a little wounded in pride, but just then, looking up to the sky as if he needed God to give him some more patience, he noticed another large, round, gray and white cat on one of the half-destroyed windowsill of the house. He was looking at Yusuf with such an air of self-satisfaction that Yusuf felt like a total ass. Had _that_ cat been there all the time? Had Yusuf just opened his heart to a true, original, actual felid?

"Nicolò!" He exclaimed, startling the real cat who finally had enough of the annoying human and walked away, disappearing among the trees. Yusuf sighed, feeling the blood rush to his head again. Except he couldn't repeat his past mistakes, or at least not so soon. "Please, Nicolò, get out of there and let's go home," he said, well aware that he now sounded almost less reassuring than the thunders rumbling in the distance. Nicolò wasn't easily scared, though, and jumped quite spectacularly from the windowsill on the wall, where the real cat had been before.

This, at least, significantly reduced Yusuf's frustration. "Come on," he said, "I wasn't serious last night, I'm not going to hurt you." Nicolò's gaze became even more suspicious. Yusuf had to admit that in some contexts 'I'm not going to hurt you' sounded worse than an explicit threat. “At least not while you're like that,” he clarified, for honesty's sake, even though he truly had no longer any intention to avenge his map.

Just then, before Nicolò could decide if he trusted him or not, another problem presented itself in the form of a child of no more than six or seven years, who came running, probably from the village. He said something that Yusuf couldn't understand, then hid between the man's legs and the wall. He was on the verge of tears, obviously upset, so Yusuf put a hand on the hilt of his scimitar, and Nicolò too stood up, with his tail straight and his muscles tense, carefully observing the path from which the child had come.

Nothing ominous came, though, just a boy and a girl, a few years older, who came running as well, as if they were chasing the younger one. The instant they saw Yusuf, who was much taller than them and who had to look quite scary in their eyes, they stopped abruptly. The man and the cat at least could relax, it was just a kids quarrel that could be probably easily solved. Anyway, after the first few moments of hesitation, the three brats started bickering, Yusuf tried to calm them down, but it was impossible without being able to talk to them, so he turned to Nicolò and said "any brilliant ideas?"

Nicolò, obviously, didn't answer, but he jumped down and gently bumped his head on the legs of the child who was still hiding behind Yusuf. All the three kids stopped arguing at once, they were too intrigued to care about whatever they were yelling about. The kid hiding behind Yusuf buried his little hand in Nicolò's thick fur and started giggling, so, since it looked like the barrier provided by his own body wasn't necessary anymore, Yusuf walked towards the clearing beyond the path, and sat cross-legged in the grass, then signalled the others to come closer. Nicolò, who had guessed the plan, trotted toward him with the two boys (already back to be friends again) in a row. The girl instead ran away, but since the village was nearby she soon was back with three other kids. In the end Yusuf and Nicolò found themselves entertaining six very excited children.

Nicolò patiently let them pet him and played tirelessly with the long stems or leaves they waved in front of his eyes, while Yusuf constantly watched that, taken by enthusiasm, the kids didn't hurt him involuntarily, or pulled his tail. 

When Nicolò was indeed overwhelmed he sought refuge between Yusuf's crossed legs. The man tried to calm down the children, and guided their little hands to show them how to touch the cat more gently, so once the situation was under control again, Nicolò went back to the center of the clearing, and they all started playing again.

It was a fun morning, the sound of children's giggles and squeals filled the air, but it was getting late. Surely their parents were waiting for them and Yusuf and Nicolò also had to go. A few drops of rain came to warn everyone that the games were unfortunately over. The rain excited the children even more and they greeted Yusuf and Nicolò laughing and shouting, before running to the village. Yusuf and Nicolò also headed home, walking faster and faster as the rain became heavier. Yusuf went ahead with his usual long strides while Nicolò trotted after him, distracting himself from time to time when he smelled something new, but soon a cold, pouring rain came down and the wind became stronger.

"Let's run Nicolò!" Yusuf shouted playfully when a powerful thunder exploded over their heads. Nicolò ran with him, but Yusuf soon realized that the cat wouldn't be able to keep up with him for long. Whenever he surpassed Nicolò, Yusuf slowed down until the cat reached him, then he started running again, but it was raining more and more, the road had become a quagmire of mud and holes full of water. While Yusuf had his boots to make everything easier, soon Nicolò was clearly in trouble, so Yusuf offered to carry him.

"Come!" He said crouching, but the stubborn cat ignored him and ran ahead. For lack of better options Yusuf started running again, surpassing him again soon enough, and not without a bit of unhealthy satisfaction. Shortly after, however, his conscience spoke to him, so he slowed down, turned around, and saw that not only Nicolò was far behind, but he seemed to have stopped altogether. 

Yusuf sighed. "I really should cook you on a spit," he said without spite, then went back to Nicolò, who was now completely bogged down in the mud, and entirely wet.

"This time we do as I say," Yusuf scolded gently, and unceremoniously grabbed him. Nicolò knew when a battle was lost, so he didn't protest and let himself be carried away. His grumpiness at being defeated so easily lessened considerably when he noticed how Yusuf was doing his best to shelter his head from the rain with his hand.

Once finally at home, both man and cat could finally breathe a sigh of relief. Just being out of the rain was a notable improvement, plus Andromache and Quynh had arrived almost an hour before, so a nice fire crackled in the fireplace and the house was blissfully warm.

"About time!" Andromache said, and at the same time Quynh asked "where were you?"

"We met some children" Yusuf explained, then lowered his gaze to Nicolò, and back to the other two again, "you know how he is with children."

"Meow!" Nicolò protested and soon after Andromache muttered, "I know how _you_ are."

“What?”

"Nothing, you better dry off."

Yusuf nodded and knelt in front of the fireplace, with the cat in one hand and the woolen cloth Andromache had just given him in the other. He devoted himself to drying Nicolò with quite some energy. Nicolò didn't protest, the mud was much more of a nuisance than a vigorous massage. After a while Quynh put a hand on Yusuf's shoulder and said "leave him to us, go get changed, you must be freezing."

Only then did Yusuf realize that he too was soaking wet, and the damp clothes sticking to his body were quite annoying, so after a moment of hesitation he did as his friend had told him. Before closing the room's door to change, he threw Nicolò one last glance. The cat was now lying on his back, enjoying the care of the two women, staring at Yusuf upside down, with his neck bent at an odd angle. The man shook his head fondly. What a brash opportunist! He thought, then he finally went to change.

When he was back, feeling much more comfortable in warm, dry clothes, Yusuf found Quynh sitting in a chair by the fireplace, with a book on her knees, while Andromache sat on a pillow at her feet. "You should eat something, Yusuf" Quynh suggested, and Yusuf agreed. He was hungry, and when he looked towards the table he saw that Nicolò was already there, greedily eating whatever the women had prepared for him. Afterwards, since Quynh looked ready to read something for all of them, as she sometimes did, especially on cold rainy days, Yusuf brought two more chairs by the fireplace, one for himself and one for Nicolò, then sat in one of them.

Nicolò instead looked at the chair left for him, but jumped straight on Yusuf's lap. “What... what are you doing?" The man asked, confused.

With a subdued meow, Nicolò placed his paws on Yusuf's stomach, leaned forward and rubbed his head first on the man's shoulder, then more confidently under his chin, leaving Yusuf completely astonished.

"I think he's thanking you," Quynh said, pleasantly surprised as well, then exchanged a knowing look with Andromache, which Yusuf didn't notice because he was too focused on the cat. "You're welcome,” he said eventually, but he was still petrified enough to be mistaken for a piece of furniture. And it was just like a piece of furniture that Nicolò decided to use him. He flopped down quite dramatically, settling between the crease of Yusuf's elbow and his stomach, so that it almost looked like Yusuf was cradling a baby. The man felt as if the fire had suddenly become too hot, while the women looked at him as if he'd just sprout a second head. With a suspicious glint in her eyes, Andromache asked "what have you two been up to?"

"Nothing," Yusuf answered too quickly, albeit that was the truth, "it's just that those kids were quite exuberant, I guess he's tired after spending the whole night out."

Quynh and Andromache weren't entirely convinced, of course in his feline form Nicolò had limited energies, and children could be a handful sometimes, but it couldn't be just that.

Yusuf looked down at the cat almost affectionately. "Yes, he's exhausted," he concluded as if speaking to himself. It was because of him that Nicolò had spent the night out, once again in the cold, if he hadn't found him, perhaps now Nicolò would be in the rain, or stuck in the icy mud, and that thought made Yusuf sick in the stomach. He held Nicolò a little closer, and in his slumber the cat opened his paw and anchored his tiny fangs in Yusuf's tunic, then slept deeply and peacefully with his cheek pressed against Yusuf's abdomen and his whiskers bent at an odd angle.

To not end that idyll too soon, Quynh started reading, so Yusuf relaxed too, but for the first few minutes Quynh's warm voice was just a background noise, his attention was still all on Nicolò. A deep, unprecedented tenderness had taken possession of Yusuf's heart, even though he had certainly not forgotten that that soft, harmless cat was actually a formidable warrior, and somebody he often claimed to hate. However, he felt the insane desire to cuddle him, but he didn't give in, instead he opted to gently and slowly scratching the cat's back, where he could reach without moving and without attracting too much attention. The light weight on his legs felt good, as well as the extra warmth that emanated from Nicolò's fragile, little body, Yusuf didn't want to risk waking him up so soon, especially when, shortly after, the room filled with a low sound, like a vibration.

For a moment Quynh stopped reading, and the three immortals exchanged looks before realizing that it was just Nicolò, who was purring so loudly it was a wonder he hadn't woken himself up yet. The three laughed softly so as not to disturb him, then Quynh continued reading as Yusuf dealt with that unexpected feeling that was making his heart beat faster.

It was oddly nice, he had to admit, to have so much of Nicolò trust. Who'd have thought? That night, finally, Nicolò felt at ease enough to sleep in the room he usually shared with Yusuf.

The next day it was quiet enough to be boring; it hadn't stopped raining for a moment since the previous day, so after lunch Quynh and Andromache retired to their room, formally to rest, while Yusuf decided to use the time to start a new map. The old one had some mistakes after all, and Yusuf had also planned a new frame, more elaborate and elegant.

He took his supplies and sat down at the table, ready to start, when Nicolò leapt onto the large oak surface. Yusuf looked at him with a raised eyebrow "don't you even think about it" he said, forcing himself to be threatening, and failing miserably, he didn't mind some company, after all.

Nicolò, totally unimpressed, sat motionless like a sphinx, at a safe distance, so Yusuf focused on his work. After a while Nicolò got closer, though, so Yusuf took the ink bottle and made a show of moving it to the other side of the table, but Nicolò paid no attention to it, instead he laid down on his side, almost on Yusuf's map.

"What is it, are you bored?" Yusuf asked, not unkindly. Nicolò stretched his legs, yawned and when Yusuf gently booped his tiny nose with the tip of his pen, Nicolò nibbled a couple of times at it, on principle. Yusuf chuckled, but he didn't mean to provoke Nicolò, so he went back to work, but when he happened to be lost in thought his hand wandered absently on Nicolò's back, who didn't mind at all.

After more than an hour of drawing, Yusuf yawned loudly and announced "I need tea, may I offer you some milk?"

Nicolò turned on his back, stretched again becoming twice as long, and involuntarily emitted a small guttural sound, a half meow that Yusuf found so incredibly endearing he had to stand and turn around to hide his blush and not give in to the temptation to scratch Nicolò's fluffy belly. They had touched each other several times, in much weirder places, yet when passionate, angry sex wasn't involved, touching seemed still too intimate.

"I take it as a yes," Yusuf concluded, and busied himself with brewing some tea, then to fill the silence, and since Nicolò's blue eyes were like two pointy daggers on his back, he said, "Andromache and Quynh must have fallen asleep, it seems it will be just the two of us for a while."

Neither man nor cat minded too much, they drank tea and milk in companionable silence, then since it was getting dark Yusuf revived the fire and lit a few candles. He was too tired to keep on working on every minute detail of his map, so he took out his sketchbook and sat by the fireplace.

For a while Nicolò sat on the windowsill, watching the rain fall, but he got bored soon, besides the window frame let in an annoying cold draft. He jumped on the floor and went to settle again on Yusuf's lap as if that place was now his by right.

"Do you mind?" Yusuf said, trying unsuccessfully to sound annoyed by the interruption. It wasn't easy to draw with that big ball of fur on his legs but at least to himself he had to admit he felt oddly proud at being the designed human pillow. He vaguely asked himself if he'd miss Nicolò's sudden fondness for physical contac, once the spell was finally broken, but there was nothing to be done about that, so Yusuf chose not to dwell too much on it. Also, Nicolò had ignored his feeble protest and had settled down comfortably, half on Yusuf's legs and half on his stomach, so the man deluded himself to be able to keep on drawing.

However, it wasn't meant to be. "Are you kidding me?!" He said after a short while, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Nicolò's round front paws were now pressing rhythmically on his stomach, and from time to time one of his nails got entangled in the fabric of his tunic.

"I'd say he is _kneading_ you," Andromache said, as if appearing out of thin air. Yusuf positively jumped, once again he'd been so focused on Nicolò he had forgotten the rest of the world. It was all so humiliating.

At least Andromache didn't rub it in, she patted his shoulder once, then set about brewing more tea for herself and Quynh, who also came out of their room yawning. Her attention fell instantly on Yusuf and Nicolò, the man begged for mercy with his eyes, while the cat turned briefly towards her, blinked slowly and went back to his kneading. Quynh, already more awake, sat down right in front of them, staring shamelessly.

"Please, just pretend I'm not here," she said.

Andromache snickered, Yusuf sighed, Nicolò purred.

That night was, if possible, even weirder. Yusuf sat on his bedroll with his back against the wall, ready to read for a while in the candlelight before sleeping. After some time Nicolò joined him, which was to be expected, but Yusuf, still awkward after the kneading incident, tried not to pay attention to him. 

Initially Nicolò sat on his own bedroll, but he seemed dissatisfied. He didn't lie down, he didn't curl up, he sat staring at Yusuf, so much so that after a while it became unnerving. 

"Can I help you?" Yusuf asked. Nicolò reoriented his ears a bit, but apart from that he did nothing. Yusuf shook his head and went back to his book, deciding that Nicolò's odd behavior had to be just part of being a cat. When he raised his eyes again, though, a few minutes later, Nicolò was sitting in the same position, but he was no longer on his mattress, he was now on the floor, a few inches from Yusuf.

"Don't take it the wrong way, my friend," Yusuf said, "you're weirder than usual tonight." Nicolò just stared, so Yusuf concluded that he couldn't concentrate on reading, not with Nicolò's hypnotic eyes on him, so he put the book away, ready to sleep. When he blew out the first of the two candles Nicolò finally made his move, he tentatively climbed onto Yusuf's mattress and started to scamper around.

At that point Yusuf had to know: lying on his side, leaning on one elbow, he waited to find out what exactly Nicolò was trying to do.

"Could you please remove your hairy butt from my face?" He had to ask at some point. Nicolò suddenly turned towards him, with his tail held high and his back slightly hunched, this time he was the one who looked embarrassed, at least as much as a cat might, but he gave his interlocutor a reproachful meow, then nibbled his sleeve so Yusuf finally began to understand. "Oh, I see," he said, then lifted his arm and the blanket as well. Nicolò slipped under it with the speed and dexterity of an eel, then settled into the space left by Yusuf's body. 

From under that makeshift den he then looked at the man, wary and suspicious, as if daring him to say anything. Yusuf remained motionless for a few long instants, with an incredulous smile on his lips, but he didn't say a word. He was about to spoon a cat, so he wasn't really in the position to judge. Too much. 

He still didn't understand why Nicolò, who looked ready to uncork a bottle of fine wine to celebrate every time he had the chance to be far from Yusuf, was now apparently unable to keep his distance. Eventually Yusuf decided it was because cats loved warmth.

For the way in which Nicolò slowly, and perhaps unconsciously, twisted his tail around Yusuf's wrist, in any case, the man didn't have any explanations, but he gladly fell asleep lulled by the cat's purr.


End file.
